Verse: Srila Prabhupada's Guidance
Date: August 21st, 2012
Transcription: Ranga Radhika dasi
Editing: Ranga Radhika Dasi
For the last two days in three different sessions we heard such wonderful realizations about Srila Prabhupada's identity, Srila Prabhupada's teachings and Srila Prabhupada's personal guidance. In this way we can see that Srila Prabhupada plays such an important role in the life of every single devotee of ISKCON. I was thinking that actually we should have more such programs, like where we just glorify Srila Prabhupada, speak on Prabhupada. The general tendency when we speak, the general tendency is to speak on Mahaprabhu, Krishna and Their teachings, Their pastimes, but for us, the devotees of ISKCON Prabhupada actually plays a very, very important role. I feel very confident that with the passing of time this awareness of Srila Prabhupada will become more and more prevalent.
So, today I have been asked to speak. I thought that I'll speak on two aspects of Srila Prabhupada. One is my personal perception of Srila Prabhupada, the way I saw Srila Prabhupada, the way I had the good fortune of receiving Srila Prabhupada's mercy. And then the other aspect that I would like to discuss is about Srila Prabhupada's instructions. I had been very fortunate, although I came to ISKCON very late. I joined ISKCON in 1976 and Srila Prabhupada left this planet in 1977. Those days Srila Prabhupada had six thousand initiated disciples and another two to three thousand devotees waiting to be initiated. Those days, to have an access to Srila Prabhupada was very rare and at that time I had the good fortune of being with him practically twenty four hours a day. This was an inconceivable good fortune for me [unclear] and that many devotees also told me that in that way I have been so fortunate.
I met Srila Prabhupada, I would say, through his books first. I got the "Nectar of Devotion" and from the very first page I felt that this is my spiritual master. I came back to India from the West. I was in Europe, I was in Germany, and I went back to India in search of a guru. At that time my feeling was, that as soon as I go to India and find a guru, he will show me the spiritual path, he will take me by my hand, he would lead me on the spiritual path. But when I went back to India I was totally disappointed because the so-called sadhus that I met, unfortunately I couldn't develop any respect for them, what to speak of surrendering myself to them. In this way I had been searching for about a year and when I practically gave up my search, thinking that if I at all have a spiritual master, then let him come and pick me up. I had been searching for my spiritual master all this while. I couldn't find him, so if I really had a spiritual master then let him come and pick me up.
Thinking that, when I gave up my search, it was around that time I came across the Nectar of Devotion. The ISKCON temple of Calcutta was quite close to my house. Although I was searching for a guru all over India, but I never thought of going to the ISKCON temple because it never occurred to me that here is the movement that I was meant to offer myself [to] and here is the personality who is my eternal spiritual master. But eventually when I got the Nectar of Devotion and I started to read, the very first page, it occurred to me that this was what I was actually searching for. Like, probably you all are aware that the Indian spiritual scene was very much deluded by the impersonalistic concept, very much influenced by Shankaracharya and Bengal was very much affected by Rama Krishna, Vivekananda and all of them were mayavadis, all were impersonalists. And in a way I also was searching in that impersonal path at that time. I did not have any clear concept of God, just some spiritual understanding with the concept of liberation being the goal of life. But when I started to read the Nectar of Devotion the two things that occurred to me, struck me in a very, very amazing way. The first consideration was, I was searching for liberation, I was aspiring for liberation and Prabhupada here speaks about liberation, not only speaks about liberation, he is speaking about five kinds of liberation. And out of that, four is positive and one was negative. And I realized that the liberation I was aspiring for is the negative one. So that was the first consideration, and then the second thing that occurred to me is that God is a person and Krishna is God. Like, it came with such a clear understanding that all the misconceptions were immediately dispelled and I realized that this is what I was looking for. This is the path that what I was searching for all this while.
And I started to read the book in the evening when I went home and I just kept on reading the book till I fell asleep. The next morning, when I woke up, the first thing I did was pick up the book and start reading. And the next night I had a wonderful - I will not call it a dream, I will call it a vision because it came with such clarity that it was as if I was seeing it and even when I came out of the dream, it was so clear in my mind, that I saw Srila Prabhupada. There was a brilliant light around him and Srila Prabhupada was sitting on what looked like a throne. Those days I didn't know what a vyasasana was. Generally in India the sadhus don't sit on an elaborate seat. They just sit on a simple seat, at the most on a tiger skin or a deer skin, but here Prabhupada was sitting on a throne, like a gorgeous throne. And Srila Prabhupada, there was a brilliant light around him and just the sight of it made me feel, made me realize that here is my spiritual master. And I offered my obeisances to Srila Prabhupada. I didn't ask anything. My heart just filled with a tremendous joy that finally I met my spiritual master. And the next thing I did the next morning, I went to the Calcutta temple and asked where Srila Prabhupada was and I was told that Srila Prabhupada was in America. So I thought okay, until Srila Prabhupada came back I will go and visit the places of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's pastimes and Krishna's pastimes. And then when Prabhupada would come back to India then I will surrender to him. Thinking that, the first place I went to was Mayapura, and I just arrived there in the evening. Actually, I arrived at the time the evening arotika was going on and the whole atmosphere was so ecstatic. The devotees were chanting and dancing. Those days Mayapura didn't have so many devotees. At the most there were about two hundred devotees. Most of them were actually Westerners; Americans and a few Europeans and a very few Indians. The Indians were local people who joined.
Then I was asked to go to the class, Bhagavad-gita class. Bhakti Raghava Maharaja was giving the class. Those days he was Raghava Pandita prabhu. And his class also was so brilliant. It was such a wonderful experience to see this Western personality, a Canadian, speaking on Bhagavad-gita with such authority! When I was listening to the class it seemed to me that the whole class was directed to me! As if he was telling, "Why are you wasting your time out there, just come in here, become one of us, follow these wonderful instructions of Krishna (the Bhagavad-gita)." And that evening, whomever I spoke to, everyone was very inviting. Everyone was practically asking me, "Why don't you come and stay here? Why don't you become a devotee?"
So the next morning I attended the mangala arotika, I attended the Bhagavatam class and by the time the Bhagavatam class ended I had already decided why not just stay and become a devotee? So I got a pair of dhoti and kurta and went to a barber, got my head shaved, went to Ganga, threw away my old clothes, put on my dhoti and kurta and came back to the temple. [laughs] Some were shocked and some were thrilled seeing me in that way. That's how it started. And I remember, in the back of my mind I was thinking that well, since everyone is asking me to come and stay, and already I am searching for spiritual life, already I lived in some ashrams, so why don't I live here also? And I got shaved up thinking that well, if I don't like it in two months time my hair will grow and then probably I will be able to go back home. [laughter] But I got so wonderfully involved, the devotees were so welcoming. They were so caring, extremely friendly. Those days Jayapataka Maharaja and Bhavananda Maharaja were the leaders of Mayapura and they were very, very caring, very affectionate, very kind. Both of them showered their abundant mercy upon me from the very beginning of my joining the movement.
Yeah, at that time one thing happened, that one day I got a letter from my father. I already wrote to my father that I joined and then decided to commit myself. So he wrote back that I had to take care of a few things. He didn't mind, my father didn't really object my joining the movement. At that time my cousin was getting married and he told me that you should at least attend the wedding. So thinking of him when I received that letter, I went back and it so happened I told somebody that I want to go home. It was actually Shatadharma prabhu. And he started giving me a big lecture that family is maya and so forth and I should not go home, because he was worried that if I went home probably they won't let me come back. But I didn't pay any heed to his instruction and I left.
At that time Jayapataka Maharaja was on a travelling sankirtana group of devotees. So when he came back to Mayapura he got the news that I left. And he became so worried. So the next day he went to Calcutta. He had my father's address. So he went to my father's house and that day it so happened that I was away the whole day from my home. I was visiting some friends. I was visiting my friends and preaching to them, thinking that I'll make them also into devotees. So that evening when I came back, not evening, it was quite late actually when I came back home, my father told me that Jayapataka Swami came a few times looking for me. So it was already quite late so I couldn't go. So the next morning I went to Calcutta temple before mangala arotika. So I attended the mangala arotika. After mangala arotika I met Jayapataka Maharaja. So he asked me what happened and I just told him. Jayapataka Maharaja said, "Then let's go to Mayapura." And I said, "Okay." So I really didn't go home. So right after mangala arotika we left for Mayapura. I actually told him that, "Look, my clothes and my belongings I have thrown away. The dhoti kurta I have kept [inaudible]."
So that's how I actually became involved in ISKCON, in Mayapura, joined ISKCON in Mayapura. And all this while I was waiting when Prabhupada would come back. And then finally we got the news that Prabhupada came back to Bombay. So I told Bhavananda Maharaja that I wanted to go to Bombay. And he told me, "If you go to Bombay, nobody knows you there, you will hardly have any chance to meet Srila Prabhupada, so rather wait for Prabhupada to come back to Mayapura." And besides that, Prabhupada at that time was very sick. So he said, "Hardly anybody can see Srila Prabhupada. Wait until he comes to Mayapura."
And I also got involved in quite a lot of activities in Mayapura at that time. At that time the Long Building was being constructed and I was involved in doing all the purchasing from Krishnanagar and Calcutta, getting the supplies even from Bihar, the stone ships used to come from Bihar, a place called Panapur. And cements and things I used to buy from Calcutta [unclear]. I was quite involved then. And I also started to collect different writings of Srila Prabhupada from the early days. Prabhupada used to be the editor of a magazine that was being printed from Keshava Maharaja's Math, called Gaudiya Patrika. And I found some early writings of Srila Prabhupada and so I was collecting them. And I started also to print Bhagavad Darshana, the Bengali Back to Godhead. I was quite involved so Bhavananda told me, "You are already involved in so many activities here, just carry on here and Prabhupada will come here."
But then we got the news that Srila Prabhupada was in Allahabad, in Kumbha Mela. A group of devotees were going from Mayapura to Allahabad in a bus. Those days Gurukripa was in Mayapura. Gurukripa had his team in Japan. They used to be called the famous Nama Hatta. Gurukripa was the leader. So his group and a few devotees from Mayapura, we all left. The bus arrived in Allahabad at noon time. I just went to the tent where I was supposed to stay. I just kept my things there and I ran to the place where Prabhupada was. I thought that I will just go and meet with Srila Prabhupada. The area where Prabhupada's tent was, was walled with some corrugated sheets, corrugated tin sheets. There was an entrance and a big-bodied Western devotee was guarding the gate. So when I tried to go in he stopped me. He said, "You can come in the evening. Prabhupada will give darshana." Quite disappointed I left. So when I was just kind of walking back, then Bhavananda Maharaja was just going with a basket full of vegetables that he was carrying from Mayapura to give to Srila Prabhupada. He saw me on the way and he said, "Come, I am going to see Srila Prabhupada." I immediately ran behind him. He was literally running, and I also ran behind him. This time, of course, the guard couldn't stop us and we just walked in. And I saw from outside that Srila Prabhupada was sitting inside the tent. Bhavananda just walked in and I, from outside, offered obeisances to Srila Prabhupada. And then when tried to go in, Rameshvara Maharaja was Prabhupada's secretary at that time, so he was just sitting outside and he stopped me, saying, "Prabhupada is taking prasada. Don't go in." So again disappointed I left. And at that time I could realize that how difficult it is to go close to Srila Prabhupada. And I thought, okay, I'll just not try to get close to Srila Prabhupada. I will be happy just to have the darshana.
That evening I came to the tent. By that time the tent was packed. The Kumbha Mela was a very, very big event in India. Many people would come there and naturally Prabhupada was a very well known personality by that time. So many people came to see Srila Prabhupada. So by the time I came the tent was full and I was squeezed inside and brought into the tent. And I saw Srila Prabhupada and I very distinctly remember the experience I had at that time. I mean, all I could see is just Srila Prabhupada and nothing existed in that world. I could just hear my heart beating so loud and so fast. It was an amazing experience, an experience I had never had before. And I was seeing, people were asking questions to Srila Prabhupada and Prabhupada was answering them in such an amazing way! In this way Prabhupada was giving darshans in the evening and in the morning we used to go to Srila Prabhupada to attend the guru-puja. So this is how I was spending my time, just having darshana of Srila Prabhupada twice: once in the morning during guru-puja and once in the evening during the darshana. I never tried to ask any questions, I never tried to go near Srila Prabhupada.
And then one day I got to know that Srila Prabhupada decided to leave, leave Kumbha Mela. And I was told that Prabhupada was finding the Kumbha Mela was too cold and the weather was too severe, and it was very noisy at night. Although it was a spiritual festival, but there were loudspeakers blaring. Prabhupada was finding it very, very disturbing. And the main thing is that Prabhupada couldn't translate at night. So one day Prabhupada just decided to leave Kumbha Mela. So I just accepted that Prabhupada decided to leave. And then after a while Bhavananda Maharaja just came to me and he gave me the same news. I told him, "Yes, I heard." And he said, "A small group of devotees have been travelling with Srila Prabhupada and you have been included in that team." I literally jumped with joy hearing that, that I would be the travelling in the same train with Srila Prabhupada! And I could understand that that arrangement was made by Bhavananda prabhu himself. Otherwise who knew me? I am just an insignificant devotee.
So that train started at night. Actually, in Allahabad there is no airport. The only way to travel was by train and the arrangement was made that Prabhupada would travel in a Calcutta bound train, and one whole carriage, one first class carriage, had been hooked into that Calcutta bound train and that was for Srila Prabhupada and his party. Fourteen of us were travelling with Srila Prabhupada. Hundreds of devotees came to see Srila Prabhupada off. I remember, when the train started to move, I was just standing at the door waving at them, declaring my good fortune. [laughter] So the train started at night and soon after that we took rest.
The next morning after taking bath I was chanting my rounds. Bhavananda prabhu came and he told me, "Come, I will take you to Srila Prabhupada." All this while I was just dying to meet Srila Prabhupada, but now that the time came just to go to Srila Prabhupada who was just two compartments away from me, and here his very intimate associate is taking me to Srila Prabhupada, I mean, I felt very, very unqualified. Like I was feeling I am not qualified to go near Srila Prabhupada. Probably Bhavananda could understand what was going on in my mind, so he took me by my hand and dragged me through the corridor and opened Srila Prabhupada's compartment door and pushed me in. And I fell flat on the ground offering obeisances. When I got up I saw Srila Prabhupada was looking at me and then Prabhupada asked me to sit next to him. As you know, the first class compartments in Indian trains have two rows of seats facing each other. In the other seat there was Rameshvara Maharaja, Bhavananda Maharaja and Jayapataka Maharaja. And on the floor there was the temple president of Calcutta and Srila Prabhupada was sitting on the other seat. Prabhupada asked me to sit next to him. I said, "No, Srila Prabhupada, I will sit on the floor." Prabhupada said, "No, you sit here." So the blanket that was spread on Prabhupada's seat, I just rolled that blanket aside and sat in the corner. After some initial exchanges Srila Prabhupada just told me to translate his books into Bengali. So that was an inconceivable good fortune that I had, to get a direct instruction of service. Also that service gave me an access to Srila Prabhupada any time I wanted to.
So Prabhupada came to Calcutta and Calcutta was the place where I was from. Calcutta temple was practically my temple in a way because I used to come there very often. So Prabhupada was there in Calcutta. So I was there and I was with Prabhupada most of the time.
Then in the evening Prabhupada was giving darshana and many important people came to see Srila Prabhupada. When the evening arotika started, Srila Prabhupada told everyone to go to the arotika. I also went to arotika. But then when I was standing in the arotika I felt that Srila Prabhupada is here only for a few days. Arotika I can attend anytime, but to be with Srila Prabhupada is such a rare good fortune. So thinking that, I just went back to the room. Prabhupada's room was closed and so I opened the door and I saw that Srila Prabhupada was counting money. And it came to me like a shock, because in India generally the sadhus don't deal with money. But then immediately I felt whatever Prabhupada does is perfect. Actually, the donations that people gave to Prabhupada, Prabhupada was counting the donations. So then Prabhupada looked up and asked, "What do you want?" I said, "Prabhupada, I just wanted to be with you." Prabhupada said, "Come in." And I sat down. Prabhupada counted all the money, then opened the drawer, kept the money in the drawer and then he asked me, "So, what do you want?" So I said, "Prabhupada, will you kindly give me initiation?" And Prabhupada said, "Yeah sure, I will give you initiation. During Gaura Purnima festival in Mayapura, I will give you initiation."
So after that Srila Prabhupada went to Bhuvaneshwara for about two weeks. Although I could have gone with Srila Prabhupada on that trip, but I decided to stay back because I was printing a book, the compilation of Prabhupada's early writings into a Bengali book. So I stayed back in Calcutta and then Srila Prabhupada came to Mayapura. And when Prabhupada came to Mayapura, the translations that I had done already, I went and read them out to him. Prabhupada was very pleased, and at that time Prabhupada pointed out that this Bengali translation has to be very, very good. He said that all the books are there in Bengali, those books are available, so to have the proper recognition the Bengali translation has to be very good. So he warned me that it had to be very, very high class. And I expressed my inability to Srila Prabhupada and I told him, "Prabhupada, I don't have any experience in translating to Bengali." Then Prabhupada said, "Don't worry. Practice makes a man perfect." And when I would read out and Prabhupada sometimes would correct. Sometimes Prabhupada would appreciate. It seemed that Prabhupada liked the way I was translating. And Bengali also has two types of writings: one is called sadhu-bhasa and the other is chalti-bhasa. The sadhu-bhasa is more like archaic Bengali, which is kind of scholarly Bengali, and the other is the colloquial Bengali. So I was writing in colloquial Bengali and Prabhupada appreciated that very much.
Then one afternoon Prabhupada called me. So when I went to him he gave me a stack of letters in Bengali and he asked me to reply them. The way I used to reply them is, I used to read the letter out to Srila Prabhupada and Prabhupada used to give the points what to write in reply. And then I would formulate the letter and then I would read it out to Srila Prabhupada. Prabhupada would correct them and then I would make the final letter, handwritten on his letter hand, and then Prabhupada used to sign all those letters. Then I used to post them.
So then when the Bengali stack of letters was finished, Prabhupada gave me a stack of Hindi letters and he wanted me to reply them. At that time I told Prabhupada, "Prabhupada, I can write in Hindi but my handwriting is not so good." Prabhupada said, "Nobody's Hindi handwriting is good." [laughter] Then he told me a joke that somebody wrote a letter to his friend and the friend wrote back, that next time you write to me please send me the train fare also. So the friend wrote back: why do you want the train fare? Then he said, "In order to figure out what you wrote, I have to go to you." [laughter] So in this way Prabhupada kind of encouraged me that no matter how my Hindi writing was, it would be alright.
And it was around that time that one day Srila Prabhupada called me and he told me that he was appointing me as his secretary for Indian affairs. And then he told Tamala Krishna Maharaja, who was his secretary at that time, Prabhupada told him that he is appointing me as his secretary of Indian affairs. He told him that I should move in into that room and that gave me another good fortune of being so close to such an exalted devotee as Tamala Krishna Maharaja. A very good part of my early days was spent with him, practically constant association serving Srila Prabhupada. He was such an amazing personality: so intelligent, so committed and so caring, so loving and so committed to Srila Prabhupada. I saw, his only concern was to take care of Srila Prabhupada. Because he was protecting Srila Prabhupada in such a wonderful way, many people misunderstood him and thought that he was not allowing them to come close to Srila Prabhupada. But it was actually his concern for Srila Prabhupada. And Tamala Krishna Maharaja just wanted to be with Srila Prabhupada at that time. Like he relinquished all his other responsibilities as a GBC and just came to Mayapura to be with Srila Prabhupada. His plan at that time was that he'll just be with Srila Prabhupada.
So that was another inconceivable good fortune that I had, to have such intimate association with him and practically be together, stay in the same room for ten months. Wherever we went we were sharing the room.
After Mayapura, Srila Prabhupada went to Bombay. In Mayapura Srila Prabhupada already gave me initiation. Just two days before initiation Brahmananda Maharaja, who was also kind of serving as Srila Prabhupada's secretary, one day just came and told me that Prabhupada decided to give me first and second initiation together. I didn't understand the rarity of it, but he explained to me. He said, "You know something? Prabhupada never gave this way, first and second together." So then I got the initiation.