Verse: Relationship - Our Ultimate Hankering
Date: May 19th, 2009
Place: Hillsborough, USA
Transcription: Ramananda Raya Das
Editing: Hemavati Radhika dasi
Today, from our discussions many relevant points came up about relationship. One of the first things we understood is that the relationships that we are hankering for are actually loving relationships. The relationships that will enable us to have loving exchanges. Those relationships are positive relationships or favorable relationships. Why do we need these relationships? It is mainly because of love.
And then it came up that why do we love, why do we want to love somebody and why we want to derive love from these relationships? Because from these loving exchanges we derive happiness or joy from these loving exchanges. And then one very interesting point came up. In the material nature most of these loving exchanges do not really fulfill the ultimate expectations that we want from them. The expectations of love often remain unfulfilled in the material platform. Why? Because those relationships are based on bodily relationships. And no matter how deep, how earnest that loving relationship is, still because the body is temporary, those loving relationships also are temporary. At some point we become separated. That is the love on the material platform.
But then some points came up that there are two kinds of loving relationships: material love and spiritual love. And the spiritual love are the relationships which are centered around Krishna or the relationships which are with Krishna. Love, when offered to Krishna, then the love becomes fulfilled. That relationship achieves the ultimate success of love. And what we want to derive out of that love becomes completely fulfilled and as a result of that our hearts become completely satisfied. And since Krishna is the source of everybody, since everyone is parts and parcel of Krishna, therefore when we develop a loving relationship with Krishna then there is also loving exchange with his parts and parcels. When we love Krishna, we also love Krishna’s parts and parcels. It is not that when we love Krishna that we hate everybody else, rather when we love Krishna then we also learn to love everybody. But that love is different from what we consider to be love in the material platform. And then we came to a point that there is a difference between love and lust. What goes on in the name of love in the material nature is actually lust. But the actual love is when it is offered to Krishna. Love is exclusively reserved for Krishna. And in that respect we consider a quotation from *Sri Caitanya-Caritamrita*that the desire to gratify our own senses is considered lust and the desire to give pleasure Krishna’s senses is called love. Therefore there is a big difference between love and lust. And Krishnadas Kaviraja Goswami goes on to explain that love is brilliant as the sun whereas lust is the deepest darkness. *ataeva kama-preme bahuta Antara kama — andha-tama?, prema — nirmala bhaskara*. Prema … Lust is andho tamah, the deepest darkness, the darkest region is the lust, whereas prema is the nirmala bhaskar, nirmala means spotless, bhaskar means the sun. Prema love, is like the spotless, brilliant sun and lust is like the deepest darkness. So what goes on in the name of love, generally in the material platform is actually lust, it is not love.
So in this way we consider the difference between material love and spiritual love. And when that love is offered towards Krishna, then that love is reflected to different parts and parcels of Krishna, in different ways. To Krishna’s devotees it is reflected in the form of friendship. To the innocent it is reflected in the form of compassion and to the offenders it is reflected in the form of disregard. In this way we analyzed different relationships and the objectives of relationship and the ultimate perfection of relationship. Is it all right? Did I summarize it all right? Yesterday’s class, not class, yesterday we had a very nice session. Did you all like that session? We had different people, different devotees speak. I asked them to speak on different aspects and they brilliantly described and analyzed and defined those points and that’s how we came to this understanding.
Okay, so today we are going to discuss how to make it happen in our own day-to-day life, how we are going to react. Just intellectualizing is not going to serve the purpose. This intellectualizing is just a matter of this part of the body, the head. But what really matters with us is this part of the body: the heart. We love with all our hearts, we don’t love with all our heads. Love is a phenomenon of the heart. And so actually one thing we came to understand is that we all need love. And through that love we want to get the joy. Everyone’s heart is hankering for joy. We all want joy. And in order to experience that joy we need love and in order to develop our loving relationship we need relationship.
So without developing relationship we cannot really survive. The more the merrier. The more is the sphere of our exchange, the more is the sphere of our relationship the greater is the extent of joy. In this respect Prahbupada made another point. Prabhupada very beautifully defined the difference between ‘Peace and Joy’. Often people say: “Shanti, shanti” We want shanti, we want peace. But Prabhupada pointed out: “No, we don’t want peace, we want joy.” Like we may live in a palace in a very beautiful atmosphere all by ourselves. Just alone by myself, not by ourselves. I will be very peaceful there. Or I may be very peaceful there. But when you want to enjoy, what do we do? I call all my friends and I throw a party, I mean a Krishna conscious party: we have a Harinam-Sankirtan. So this is the difference, alone we can be peaceful. But when we want to enjoy, then we want others. Because through this exchange we derive joy. By myself, by one’s self one cannot experience joy.
Jaya Sri Sri Radha-Golokananda Ki Jaya!
Isn’t it quite interesting, that Radha-Golokananda Ki Jaya ! And we want ‘Joy’. Everybody wants joy. So how to get that joy? By developing our relationship with Radha-Golokananda. Peace is the neutral point. When there is no suffering, that is peace. Like you consider the graph. On the left-hand side of the axis is the negative kingdom and on the right-hand side of the graph is the positive. And in the middle is the axis. The axis is zero. The axis is zero. You go into the left-hand side, each unit is minus one, minus two and so forth. And you go to the right-hand side it is plus one, plus two, plus three and so forth.
So this is the difference. In the material nature we are in the suffering condition. But when the suffering condition comes to a cessation, when the suffering stops, then that is the state of peace. The zero. No suffering but then you go to the other side of it. Then you come to the state of joy. This world is full of suffering, that world is full of joy. And that joy is experienced out of our loving exchange with Krishna and with others with Krishna in the center.
Now, a few questions actually came up. A few devotees came to me today and asked me about certain questions about relationship. So I said okay, I will not answer your questions now, I will do it in the evening so that everybody can hear.
So I will just start off with some questions that are here and then I will go to the other questions. And if you all have any questions, either you can verbally ask me or you can write it on a piece of paper. I was told that many devotees are shy to ask questions. They have questions but they feel shy to ask them in front of everybody. So those who feel shy or those who feel it is inconvenient you can write down your question. So I will get into the questions and answers now.
So the first question is: “Devotees lives have become very busy. They have many family responsibilities etc. The temple is no longer the center of their activities. How can we come closer as a spiritual family and work united to push on the movement. It’s a very nice question, it’s a very practical question. We are facing this problem everywhere. Devotees when they are brahmacaris or brahmacarinis they are fully engaged in Krishna consciousness but then many of them change their ashram, from brahmacari ashrams they go into the household life. And as householders, often I am just talking about the temple devotees, as householders initially they continue in the temple but then, as the responsibilities begin to grow and the demands keep on increasing, they see that the temple cannot really maintain them, fulfill their requirements, then they have to go out and look for a job, take up a job, then they don’t have any time for the temple. Then gradually it seems that they have drifted away and our relationships become weak. So what to do about that? Like that is the question. How can we come closer as a spiritual family and work united to push on the movement?
Yes, so as you mentioned ‘family’. When we speak of a family then we have to recognize the center of the family, the head of the family. Who is the center of the family? And with him we become related to the other members of the family. Like for example in the family the father is the center. And with the father in the center we become related to each other as brothers and sisters. And then our children become related as cousins and uncles, aunts. So similarly in order to maintain this family feeling we have to find the common center. At least here in the temple we have Krishna in the center. We have to, no matter how busy we are, we have to recognize that Krishna is the center of our family. If we come closer then we can also see that Prabhupada is the center of our family. Anyway, I will not go into that now, but I will just stick to that: Krishna is the center of the family which nobody can deny that.
So here we are living in a community of devotees, we are in a family, a Krishna conscious, spiritual family and we have to recognize that Krishna is the center of the family. And we have to act accordingly. We have to recognize that whatever we are doing, ideally we should be doing that for Krishna. We have to make Krishna as the center. If we want to become Krishna conscious then we have to do that. Our business is to become Krishna conscious and if we put Krishna in the center, it is not that we have to do [unclear] everything for Krishna, it may not be possible in our household life, but at least we should have a considerable amount of attachment to Krishna. Not that because I have become a householder now my attachment for Krishna has been given up and all the attachment is for the family. If that is the case, then that is a failure. We shift our attachment from Krishna to something else, someone else. On the other hand if we can see others, other relationships in the light of Krishna, in relation to Krishna, then it is going to enhance our Krishna consciousness. Not just me and Krishna. Me, others and others through Krishna, that is the more advanced stage of spiritual consciousness, which I discussed briefly yesterday. The neophyte devotee thinks that he is a devotee and Krishna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. That is [unclear] kanistha adhikari. But who is madyam adhikari, the second class devotee? The one who recognizes Krishna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, therefore he develops his love for Krishna, he recognizes those who are in love with Krishna also, therefore he develops friendship with them. He recognizes also those who are innocent about Krishna, who are ignorant about Krishna, he goes and gives them Krishna consciousness and those who are offensive to Krishna, he just avoids them.
So that is the second class devotee, the more advanced stage is when we see everybody in the light of Krishna. So here we have to try to, we have to consciously cultivate this necessity. Not that because I have family responsibilities, because I have a job, because I have to earn money, I cannot maintain my Krishna consciousness. That will be a failure. So we have to maintain our Krishna consciousness in spite of all our responsibilities. And so many wonderful examples are there. For example Arjuna is fighting a battle, he is in the battlefield fighting a war, it is a question of life and death. One mistake and he can be dead. But even at that stage he is maintaining his Krishna consciousness. If Arjuna can maintain his Krishna consciousness at that situation, then what to speak of us. Why can’t we maintain our Krishna consciousness? Rather, the more difficult the situation, the more Krishna conscious we should be come. Now this is one side of this… problem, I was trying to find a more suitable expression than problem. But anyway I hope that you understand what I mean. But at the other side when you see that somebody is drifting away for various reasons from Krishna consciousness then go and try to remind him that he must maintain his Krishna consciousness. Not just that he is drifting away, going away, just let him. That should not be our attitude. If your sister or brother is making a mistake. Will you allow them to continue doing that? You will try to stop them. Go and tell them. Similarly, we are actually dealing with our brothers and sisters in our community. So when somebody is facing some problem, facing some difficulty, help him, help her.
Okay, I am going to the next one: “At different times devotees find themselves feeling isolated and not knowing where to connect. How can we reach out to give each other support and spiritual strength and create activities which meet the needs of the devotees? Very good point. So actually this question is leading to the next point. So when that situation like that arises, what should we do? At different times devotees find themselves feeling isolated and not knowing where to go and where to connect they kind of get drifted away.
Just consider so many devotees have drifted away. It is a fortunate soul, out of millions and millions of individuals, one becomes a devotee of Krishna. After getting this very, very rare opportunity, when one accepts Krishna consciousness and maintains, practices the process, then why should we allow them to go away? Okay, due to the force of circumstances they have been in a difficult situation. Now, what are we going to do about that? The first thing I will suggest, is that the sincere, concerned and involved devotees should get together and make a plan. How are we going to bring them back, how are we going to help them. That is what I will suggest. Make a program. Okay, they are kind of very, very busy. Make some kind of program and request them. I am seeing Kardama Muni Prabhu. Although he is very busy, he is worshiping the Deities in the temple. And this engagement will keep them enthused. We should create opportunities like that for the devotees. We can also have some get together. Like on Saturdays I am sure they will encouraged, they will feel enlivened. And our mood should be, how can we bring the devotees back. Like yesterday during the discussion one point came up very distinctly, very clearly. At the end of the Bhagavad-Gita what is Krishna saying?